Reading time – 1:11; Viewing time – 2:46 . . .
Caution: Contains snark. Sensitive readers and viewers are advised to either have an adult present or to stop whining and grow up.
In what is being hailed as a stunning piece of investigative journalism, our CYA News reporters Ben Dover and Simon Simon broke the story revealing that Donald Trump has no navel. He is completely without a belly button.
Their primary contact spoke with our reporters on condition of anonymity – we’ll call him “Bob.” Dover and Simon report that Bob said that Trump was born with the usual abdominal accessories but in his late teens had elective plastic surgery to remove his navel.
Bob explained, “Donny and me used to hang out together in those days, especially at the beach in Glen Cove. Lotta rich girls there. Anyway, he wasn’t getting any attention – couldn’t seem to get to first base with any of them. He decided that if he did something really different he might be able to, you know, start something. He came up with this crazy idea and told us that we wouldn’t believe how great this was going to be. ‘It’ll be amazing – the best,’ he said. So off he goes in a private jet to Mexico.
“When he comes back he had no belly button. I mean, the bandages came off in a couple of weeks and bingo, nuthin’ there. Me and Billy were amazed. So were the girls. Donny got constant attention from the girls on the beach after that. I guess it worked.”
Our reporters attempted to reach candidate Trump for comment on this CYA News story but they were refused. All they could get was a telephone comment from a Trump spokesperson identifying himself as a “very high level, very important person”, saying, “You’re why all Americans hate and distrust the press. You’re a disaster. From now on you’re barred from attending any Trump rally or press conference. You’re fired!”
This just in: Hillary Clinton has denied having ever sent an email at all and she said that the story about a private email server in her house was actually a hoax designed to mislead “a vast right wing conspiracy”. Her spokesperson, Huma Abedin, has referred all requests for comments to her estranged husband Anthony Weiner, claiming that, “He probably knows lots more than anybody else about sending sensitive stuff through an unsecured email server.”
Stay tuned to CYA News for further details on both of these breaking news stories as they become available.
That’s all the breaking news for now.
Ed. note: There is much in America that needs fixing and we are on a path to continually fail to make things better. It is my goal to make a difference – perhaps to be a catalyst for things to get better. That is the reason for these posts. To accomplish the goal requires reaching many thousands of people and a robust dialogue.
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Copyright 2019 by Jack Altschuler
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