Get Out
POST 1255
CAUTION!
The following transcript is a fiction drawn from the author’s imagination and does not represent the actual phone call between the parties. But it should.
It is presented here for the purpose of clarifying real world needs of the people, plus to properly place well deserved snark. Strong language suitable for the defense of democracy is unredacted. Sensitive readers are advised to read using only one eye.
– JA
The Phone Call
President Donald Trump telephoned Governor Tim Walz (MN) on the morning of Monday, January 26, two days after unarmed, unresistant, defenseless Alex Pretti was gunned down in the street by ICE agents. The call was reported by the White House to have been “productive.” Here is a transcript of that conversation.
President Donald Trump (PT): Good morning, Tim.
Governor Tim Walz (GW): It’s “Governor Walz,” Mr. President.
PT: Right. Well, Tim, I just want to check in with you to learn firsthand what you’re seeing.
GW: Is your hearing okay, Mr. President? Do you hear okay? It’s “Governor Walz.”
PT: Absolutely, Tim. Absolutely. In fact, my doctors say I have the best hearing they’ve ever seen. Ever! It’s off the charts. I aced all the tests. All of them. They’ve never seen anything like that.
GW: Okay. I’ll say this slowly to be sure you’re able to understand my words. What I’m seeing is your mob of masked, heavily armed bullies injuring and murdering my people. There is chaos and violence in our streets caused entirely – ENTIRELY! – by your Gestapo thugs. That’s what I’m seeing.
PT: Well, Tim, you know that you have a huge – HUGE! – crime problem. And your Somali’s – they’re bad. They’re very bad. These are very bad people. Just look at your Representative Omar. She’s garbage. Complete garbage. There’s crime in your streets, Tim, like nothing anyone has ever seen before. It’s never been seen.
GW: You’re right, Mr. President. Nobody has seen it before because the crime you refer to doesn’t exist. Both violent and non-violent crime are down dramatically all over the state. That was true well before your private army of fascist thugs showed up and started beating people, throwing them to the ground, arresting and imprisoning innocent U.S. citizens and murdering innocent people. So, Mr. President, get your damn Gestapo goons out of Minnesota. You can send your pet Nazi Stephen Miller to lead them away.
PT: Well, Tim, you know we have to have law enforcement. Can’t have these illegals doing criminal things, like eating dogs. People’s pets. It’s terrible. They eat ducks in the park, too. It’s bad. It’s very bad.
GW: Mr. President, those accusations of animal eating came from lies told by your idiot Vice President. He was talking about Haitians who live legally in Springfield, OH, not Somalis in Minneapolis. And his accusations were proven by multiple researchers to be total bullshit. Your lies and those you’ve trained your idiot Vice-President to tell are bad, Mr. President. Very bad. Nobody has ever seen so many terrible lies. Do you know what I mean? Are you tracking with me?
Also, 80% of our immigrants from Somalia are U.S. citizens and they are entirely law abiding.
PT: Now, Tim . . .
GW: It’s “Governor Walz,” you know? “Governor.” What’s your problem, dementia?
PT: That’s very rude, Tim. You’re a very rude person.
GW: You’re right about one thing, Mr. President. We need law enforcement. And we have great law enforcement at our state, county and local levels. So, Mr. President, we don’t need your brutal, cruel, law breaking goons. Get your damn criminal Gestapo thugs out of Minnesota.
PT: Tim, I think you’re missing something here. Do you . . .
GW: Mr. President, get your fucking Gestapo thugs out of my state. Am I saying this slowly enough for you so that you get it? Get your fucking criminal creeps out of Minnesota.
PT: Tim, have some respect. I’m the President of the United States.
GW: Yeah, well most often it’s hard to understand how that’s possible. Regardless, get your damnable thugs out of Minnesota. Just leave. We’ll clean up your miserable, sorrowful, un-American mess.
PT: We’ll see what happens, Tim.
GW: We already know what happens. We see your brutality every day. Get your damn fascist thugs out of Minnesota. Are you getting my message?
And it’s “Governor Walz.”
PT: You know, Tim, that I can send our active duty Marines to Minneapolis, right?
GW: And I can send the Minnesota National Guard to surround the White House. That would be just as stupid as your idea.
As a safety tip, Mr. President, I don’t think you’ll be welcome at the funeral of Alex Pretti or Renee Good or at any of the vigils held in their honor. You might want to stay at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with a Sharpie in your hand counting the number of times you’re named in the Epstein files. Perhaps you’ll want some high school girls to help you count and to help you remember all the sick abuse of so many girls.
One more thing: Get a brain scan right away. And in case I haven’t been clear, get your criminal thugs out of my state.
Take Heart
From Pew Research:
Only about a quarter of Americans today (27%) say they support all or most of Trump’s policies and plans, down from 35% when he returned to office last year. That change has come entirely among Republicans.
His approval rate probably won’t go much lower because he’s down to only his angry, mouth-breathing base supporters who will mindlessly support any irrational or cruel things he does.
Unless there’s proof of his pedophilia. That’ll piss off even Billy Bob and his little sister, too. Abusing little girls just isn’t okay with nearly any of us.
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Goes fast, doesn’t it?
- Coun-tdown Timer
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To The November 3, 2026
Mid-Term Election
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Copyright 2026 by Jack Altschuler
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