asshole

The World’s Best Campaign Message


POST 1291

 

 

CAUTION!

THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORD “ASSHOLE.” IF THAT WORD OFFENDS YOU, YOU’VE ALREADY READ TOO MUCH. STOP READING IMMEDIATELY AND RETURN TO WATCHING ANDY GRIFFITH RERUNS FROM MAYBERRY. BE SURE TO SAY “HI” TO AN’ BEA FOR ME.
Campaign Messages

The Democrats have labored at the speed of slugs to examine and explain their losses in the 2024 election and to produce a report. It only took them 18 months to create a professional looking report that states nearly nothing useful and provides nothing of value for the American people. It is in every way a first cousin to the post mortems the Republicans produced after the 2012 Romney loss, the 2016 Trump victory and the 2022 Republican midterm under-performance. In all cases these self-serving documents are short on accountability and lack of any sense of care for We the People. Their campaign messages only supply us with focus group and poll tested bumper sticker talking points. That’s why nobody reads them or cares what the authors have written.

There is near constant talk now about what Democrats should focus on during this campaign season and it’s almost solely zeroed in on them getting votes. That means that essentially it’s about manipulation of We the Voters. There is nearly no focus on what We the People actually need and want. The good news is that I’m here to supply that direction, aided by my able and clear headed assistant, Rabbi Rami, who I have never met.

Rabbi Rami is a retired rabbi now dispensing clarity you can use. I recommend subscribing to his Substack posts. His offering of June 4 will convince you that I’ve given you good advice. It’s titled Don’t Be An Asshole.

You like it already, right?

Consider the title alone and give thought to the President, senators, congressmen/women, state legislators, appointed apparatchiks, heads of governmental bodies and  all others who present themselves as being of the people, as leaders for we who yearn for honest leadership, but who consistently let us down. Consider how many are flagrant in their self-serving attitude, their sole interest being snatching and grabbing power and scamming cash. Each day they display enhanced performative asshole-ness mastery.

Consider the jerks who, after any mass shooting, send “thoughts and prayers” instead of creating gun safety legislation to prevent at least some of the massacres that are otherwise certain to happen. Check the Gun Violence Archive if for some unfathomable reason you have any doubts as to the certainty of our national bleed outs.

And what about the army of waste, fraud and abuse soldiers who are proudly chopping federal spending by taking food from the mouths of our poor children and food and life saving medicine from desperate people in need of what we can provide cheaply, such that now millions of them have died?

Then there are the WF&A warriors saving money by cutting healthcare from millions of Americans. And the brain damaged people refusing to provide aid to Ukraine as that country fights for freedom everywhere. And the cretins bombing small boats in the Caribbean without the slightest evidence of wrongdoing or effort toward due process.  And they’re locking up random people using a Gestapo-like army of thugs, as though their stupid and cruel flexing of military and police power somehow makes us better, stronger, safer or more enviable. If you think any of that asshole cruelty helps us, you need a reality re-set.

I say these people are assholes and I know you agree with me, because Congress now sports an approval rating of 10%, with 86% of Americans disapproving of the job Congress is doing. That means that you and I think these guys are assholes in the first degree, differentiated not at all from fetid, stinking pond scum.

What if candidates for office were to focus on us and our needs, instead of their own selfish cravings? What if they actually were to care that people are suffering terribly and want to do something about it? What if they somehow were to recognize that the only voters who care about their welfare are their mothers and that the rest of us think they should instead care about our welfare?

Think about all that and more, but first link through to Rabbi Rami’s post and give serious consideration to his report. This stuff is really simple and should be easy to adopt. If you can’t find candidates who can do what Rami recommends, go run for office yourself. Get in the game and rid us of assholes before they steal this entire country from us.

The time for action is NOW!
Keep standing up,
speaking out
and taking action

Did someone forward this post to you? Welcome! Please subscribe – use the simple form above on the right. And pass this along to three others, encouraging them to subscribe (IT’S A FREEBIE!), because it’s going to take ALL OF US to get the job done.

And add your comments below to help us all to be better informed.

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not necessarily mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings.
  2. There are lots of smart, well-informed people. Sometimes we agree; sometimes we don’t. Search for others’ views and decide for yourself.
  3. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine, but I do wish that I could blame someone else. Glad to have your corrections.
  4. I am neither offered nor do I accept funding of any type from candidates, online blabbers, organizations with or without any position or opinion or from any other origin other than from my own meager resources.
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  7. Do not look to these posts for “both sides” idiocy. I don’t have life to waste on such foolishness, such disingenuous nonsense and you shouldn’t either. You can find “both sides” misdirection in any cowardly publication. I post what I believe to be true, sarcasm and snark sometimes excepted. I make no pretense nor allow any space for the idiocy of insisting views to be somehow balanced for reporting or opinion presentation fairness, because doing so would be grossly unfair.
  8. If you disagree with anything I write, if you think I’m inappropriately biased, puff up your courage and put it in the Comments section. But see Point #9 below. On the other hand, let’s agree that I, like you, am biased.
  9. Comments offered by readers, whether in agreement with my opinions or opposing, are encouraged and greatly appreciated. All comments are reviewed prior to going live. I reserve the right to edit for readability, punctuation, typos, voluntary idiocy and to exclude those comments I deem inappropriate or offensive solely for the opportunity to be offensive. It’s my post, my rules.
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  11. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine. Unless it’s a guest essay, in which case, blame the guest.

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JA


Copyright 2026 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

You Aren’t Going To Live Longer – But You Could


POST 1278

This warning is required by everyone’s 8th grade English lessons:
CAUTION: This post contains snark, plus metaphors and satire badly mangled.
The Bad News

The workouts, the kale, the yoga om, the nix on red meat, the stairs instead of the elevator, your fixed genetics and the rest have taken you as far as they can. All that’s left for extending your lifespan is looking both ways before you cross the street, wearing your seat belt and dealing with the unhinged asshole sitting next to you in seat 13B. Let’s call him Mr. Rectum.

He’s unhinged about having a middle seat – so unfair! – and frantic about making his connection so that he can get to his Grift Jubilee. But your flight is an hour and a half late because there was weather somewhere and he’s going to miss his connection. Woe is him!

He’s flailing and wants to “retribution” someone. He cannot sit still or shut up because of the insanity that ceaselessly rages inside him and because of his innate hostility to everyone. Mr. Rectum is what is known in mental health circles as both troubled and toxic. In the real world where you and I live we just call him an asshole.

Click me

You will live longer if, metaphorically speaking, you move to a different seat, but it’s a full flight and nobody – I mean nobody – is going to switch seats with you and sit next to Mr. Rectum. In still more mixed metaphorical words, these derived from the movie Jaws, you’re going to need a bigger boat.

Which brings us to our current reality, the one where up is this way (↑) regardless of Mr. Rectum’s nearly constant misdirection. It’s a place where you sometimes get a citation for speeding and we want assholes in 13B to get what’s coming to them, too. You know: accountability.

But we’ve let Mr. Rectum get his way without consequences for a long time. Much too long. Indeed, for all of his life. Oh, we have our reasons, including our rationalizations (delusions, really) that the alternative was worse; that he would keep his word and fulfill his promises; that he was super special and deserved to endanger us by driving too fast and never getting a citation. We believed at the same time that he was a regular guy who was just like we little people and we would somehow, some day become big rectums like him, too. But that hasn’t happened and it never will.

We let him put an insufficiently educated racoon penis slicer, a man with a heroin damaged brain, in charge of vaccinations. Millions of us puffed our chests and stood up to The Man, refusing to vaccinate ourselves and our kids against measles, polio and more. Then thousands became sick, many died and some are heading to a lifetime of debilitation, none of which would have happened if they had listened to the medical experts instead of Mr. Pee-pee Chopper. These people are suffering because we put hatred-fueled Mr. Rectum in charge.

Real, actual, hurts-like-hell gas prices in Hilo, HI. Don’t you wish Tulsi Gabbard would go back there and get in line to buy six buck gas?

That innate Rectum hostility has now killed thousands in a Middle East war that had no business happening because there never was a national security threat to us from there. The global economy is sinking further into a long term funk. Mr. Rectum tells us that inflation and gas prices have come way down, but see the pic to the left for actual current prices. There is nothing, no verbal invention, no untethered-to-reality idiocy that the unhinged guy in 13B won’t say to benefit himself, as he rages at the weather, his middle seat, flight safety regulations and he threatens to sue everyone who still has a pulse and even some who are already dead.

Make no mistake about this: neither seat 13B nor the weather is the problem. We are the problem. Pogo is still correct.

We seated Mr. Rectum in 13B, believing our delusions and then going about our lives, heads down, oblivious to our foolishness, our gullibility and consequences. And we got what we selected.

His behavior is way past what the flight attendants (our representatives) can or are willing to handle, so it’s time for the captain (that’s us) to come out of the flight deck and inform Mr. Rectum that he’s being removed from the flight. We can land at a remote airport and kick him out, leaving him where he can’t harm us anymore, or we can slow the airplane to landing speed, open an exit door and shove him out at 37,000 feet.

Either choice will work for us just fine because Mr. Rectum will be gone. No more lies. No more toddler tantrums. No more of his killing people on the high seas, in mountains and deserts and in Minneapolis. And no more impoverishing of billions of people around the globe. We’ll find the way forward just fine without his insanity.

Mr. Rectum has been very busy failing, wrecking everything within reach. Many thanks to JN for forwarding this.

Regardless, you aren’t going to live longer, unless .  .  .

The Good News

.  .  .  unless you’ve smartened up and now, for example, get your vaccinations and get your kids vaccinated, too. In that case you will live longer. Markedly longer. And you won’t infect your neighbor, your Pilates bro, the barista who serves you that frothy froo-froo drink or anyone else. All of us will thank you for not infecting and killing us and our kids. Plus, prices for your froo-froo drink, gas, housing and much more will, in the absence of Mr. Rectum’s ignorant manipulations, eventually come down.

But you have to help with the in-flight eviction of Mr. Rectum in order for things to get better.

Stand up. Help to drag Mr. Rectum out, even as he’s kicking, screaming, biting, claiming he’s a poor victim of terrible people, saying he will make things better like nobody has ever seen before, blaming his constant failures on Biden, claiming he’s Jesus, failing at quoting “two Corinthians” and homicidally ordering the National Guard to shoot peaceful protesters in the legs. You’re a target of that, too, but once he’s off our airplane you can ditch your bullet proof pants.

And once we’ve jettisoned our gullible nature, you really will live longer.

Quote Of The Week

Dr. Amy Acton

From Dr. Amy Acton, Democratic candidate for Governor of Ohio, speaking to The Zoom Where It Happens, April 17, 2026:

.  .  .  everyone is exhausted and voters want public servants again who will help them solve problems.

What a concept: public servants actually being of service to We The People! Quite the contrast to servants of Mr. Rectum or his sycophants. So refreshing.

The time for action is NOW!
Keep standing up,
speaking out
and taking action, like:

Did someone forward this post to you? Welcome! Please subscribe – use the simple form above on the right. And pass this along to three others, encouraging them to subscribe, too (IT’S A FREEBIE!), because it’s going to take ALL OF US to get the job done.

And add your comments below to help us all to be better informed.

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not necessarily mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings.
  2. There are lots of smart, well-informed people. Sometimes we agree; sometimes we don’t. Search for others’ views and decide for yourself.
  3. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine, but I do wish that I could blame someone else. Glad to have your corrections.
  4. Book links to Amazon or Barnes & Noble are provided for reference only. Please purchase your books through your local mom & pop bookstore. Keep them and your town or neighborhood vibrant.
  5. Clicking on most pics in these posts will take you to the source information.
  6. Comments offered by readers, whether in agreement with my opinions or opposing, are encouraged and greatly appreciated. All are reviewed prior to going live. I reserve the right to edit for readability, punctuation, typos, voluntary idiocy and to exclude those comments I deem inappropriate.
  7. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine. Unless it’s a guest essay, in which case, blame the guest.

Click me

JA


Copyright 2026 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

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