News Flash

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Caution: The following is satire. Sensitive readers should close their eyes and chant, “I can’t see you, I can’t see you.”

September 17, 2015 – Rochester, MN

In a stunning announcement at their press conference today, doctors and neurological scientists at The Mayo Clinic released the results of a study that has been ongoing for 69 years. Their findings have already rocked the worlds of neurology and brain science.

Drs. Robert L. Barlodz and Sharon C. Korlowski explained that it has long been considered an absolute truth in the scientific community that the greatly expanded neocortex – the frontal lobe of the human brain – is the logic and analytical center, the locus of consciousness and that its presence is the primary reason for the intelligence and capability differences between humans and all other species. They said that a great many studies have been conducted by scientific and medical institutions throughout the world and all have indicated that this is true, as have the observed results of large numbers of people with traumatic brain injuries. Indeed, it has been believed that in the absence of full capability of that part of the brain, even the appearance of normal functioning would be impossible. Today’s announcement changed that.

It was revealed by Drs. Barlodz and Korlowski that due to a congenital anomaly – a birth defect – Donald Trump has no neocortex.

After making their shocking announcement, the neuro-scientists said that in their intensive study they had observed that Trump appeared to to have accommodated this major brain defect and at times displays certain neocortex-like functions, although these have been labeled pseudo-brain activities and, clearly, they have no logical content. Dr. Korlowski reported that they are hoping that continuing investigation will help them to better understand Trump’s aberrant behavior.

Dr. Barlodz closed the press conference by saying that should they be able to observe the making of any sense at all by the subject individual, it would be quite surprising.


Ed. note: There is much in America that needs fixing and we are on a path to continually fail to make things better. It is my goal to make a difference – perhaps to be a catalyst for things to get better. That is the reason for these posts. To accomplish the goal requires reaching many thousands of people and a robust dialogue.

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One Response to News Flash
  1. Jim Altschuler Reply

    Drs. Barlodz and Korlowski got it right. The obvious proof lies in Trump’s total inability to discuss, in detail, any topic of consequence — global warming, nuclear proliferation, domestic policy, domestic funding, how to deal with our international friends and enemies, oil, oil-related products and how to replace them as the oil runs out, etc.

    It’s certainly nice that he thinks that our armed forces service members should get the praise and relief, as necessary, that they deserve, but he apparently has no idea how to go about doing that. Nor has he any plan to balance the budget. Government is a sociological creature, not a business entity. I believe that his inexperience in governing will destroy the United States.

    Besides I’m so sick of that pinched face, the fake hair and that nasal voice that I wish the media would cease to give him such priority in their broadcasts, papers and blogs.