*  *  *  BREAKING NEWS  *  *  *


The Senate of the United States has officially declared the Rule of Law to be dead. The declaration of death was ensured by an almost perfect party line vote.* The Secretary of the Senate has recorded the death certificate into the formal Senate historical record so that future generations will know the truth of what was done in order to help them to understand what caused their dire circumstances.

Mourners noted that the succumbing of the Rule of Law to the terminal illness of cowardice had long been predicted because of the absence of what should have been protecting it. Many had suspected rigor mortis at the upper levels of government for quite some time.

In an impressive impersonation of a potted plant, Chief Justice John Roberts presided over the impeachment trial of Donald Trump, where the final battle for the Rule of Law took place. His black robes gave an air of dignity to the mostly tawdry affair.

Sadly, it was clear from the start that the black robes of the nation’s chief jurist, absent any action on his part to preserve and protect, weren’t up to the task of ensuring that the Rule of Law would endure. The task was made far more difficult by the efforts of the counsels for the defense to mask truth and even rewrite the Constitution. They went so far as to prevent pertinent evidence from being presented and declared that the President is above the law and is officially allowed to do whatever he wants to do. One Republican senator was overheard declaring to colleagues, “We don’ need no stinking laws on the President.”

Said one observer, “The Rule of Law had a long and fine run. It did what it was supposed to do most of the time and it has served us well. It seems, though, that the Senate has decided that we no longer need it and that we should revert to the divine right of kings and dictators. No telling how we’ll adjust to a Kim Jong Un type of autocrat.”

In lieu of flowers, mourners are invited to make contributions to Democratic candidates for the November election. They are further encouraged to secure promises from candidates that, once elected, they will resurrect the Rule of Law and restore it to its proper stature and function in our democracy, should our democracy still exist then.

  • * Note to Mitt Romney: The nation turned its lonely eyes to you, but try as you did, the job of saving the Rule of Law was too big for one man. Nevertheless, we honor you for your integrity and courage to do what is right. Perhaps in some distant future others will hear your call. For now, though, know that millions of Americans stand with you in the face of the threats and hatred thrown at you by people who just don’t understand.


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Copyright 2024 by Jack Altschuler
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One Response to Eulogy
  1. Jim Altschuler Reply

    The late lamented Rule of Law. I shed a tear at its passing. It was a good Rule, but the Orange Perpetrator has decreed that his thoughts and rules, no matter how obscene, obtuse and damaging, are the only ones that count despite centuries of precedent to the contrary.

    I remember fondly (sniff-sniff) when, even in disagreement over how to handle matters, the House and/or the Senate would negotiate, sometimes even openly for the American people to see, to arrive at an honest and fair conclusion. So sad these modern times and the changes they have wrought. (Insert tear here.)

    But enough of the sniveling over justice lost. Let us raise our glasses high to the lowering of our standards, while having dictatorship imposed regardless of written rules forbidding it. Boss Tweed and the Richards Daley (both of them) and others in the lame and guttural heritage of self-serving politics would be proud. That’s especially so, since it’s now on the national level and destroying relationships with friends and foes alike while preserving the denigration of all that we have stood for and fought for and died to protect.

    My glass no longer holds wine for toasting. It now holds bitter tears. Farewell, United States. Your impending demise, heart-breaking though it may be to many, is inevitable. You were a bold experiment. Our memory of you will last a long time, perhaps even until next month.