Fauci

What Should We Do About That? – v2.0


Source: Wikipedia – click the pic

Basic Human Decency

Naomi Judd died by suicide in April at the end of a long battle with mental illness. That’s bad enough, but this story gets worse.

Law enforcement did their investigative work following the suicide, creating a dossier of private, intimate conversations and information that may be released to the public. Daughter Ashley Judd and others of the family have filed a petition, asking the court to keep private what is so obviously private. She wrote that when such things are exposed to the public,

“The raw details are used only to feed a craven gossip economy, and as we cannot count on basic human decency, we need laws that will compel that restraint.”

The middle portion of that sentence grabbed me: “as we cannot count on basic human decency.” Of course, Judd is right. That plays out in millions feeding on prurient stuff, taking delight in public outrage and the raw hostility that besets our nation. We really cannot count on basic human decency. Just ask our polling place workers.

If you think decency – being respectful of one another – is a critical piece of a solid social structure, one you’d want to be a part of, and we cannot count on basic human decency, what should we do about that?

Fauci

There are millions of frustrated Americans, upset with the changing directions prescribed to us to deal with the Covid pandemic. Is it masks or no masks? Lockdowns or just go about your business? “Social distancing” or not? Vaccine? Second Vaccine? Booster shots? New booster shot with only an emergency use authorization?

The official story has changed numerous times and a lot of people lost confidence in the CDC and Dr. Anthony Fauci because of those many changes. Plus the lies and conspiracy theories peddled by the twice impeached, disgraced former President and know-nothing muckrakers expanded confusion and frustration exponentially and a lot of people died needlessly.

But wait just a second.

Regardless of the obsessive finger pointing about the origin of the never-before-seen virus, our medical establishment started with no knowledge, no base of information to find answers for how to deal with this disease. Our professionals didn’t know how the disease spread, had no tools to diagnose it (no tests, remember?), they didn’t know how to treat it except to swat at symptoms and they were woefully short of PPE to protect themselves so they could continue protecting us.

The President refused to trace cases, which could have limited spread, and did his best to stop testing so that the pandemic wouldn’t look as bad as it really was just to make himself look better. The scientists and docs didn’t know who was most susceptible or how to cure them and they didn’t even have a place to pile the bodies – and that’s just a short list of the knowledge holes and roadblocks our professionals faced.

And people were pissy because the scientists and docs couldn’t immediately give one absolute and unchanging answer from the very start!
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So, the valuable questions have nothing to do with Covid. They have to do with the hyper-reactive “I want what I want even before I know what I want” people who prefer being pissy. They’re the people who seem to have forgotten about basic human decency. They are part of the reason why Dr. Anthony Fauci is ending his CDC career.

So, it’s the same question as in the first section of this post: If we cannot count on basic human decency, what should we do about that?

Covid Corner

Speaking of Covid and the CDC, here’s a chart showing “Covid positive hospitalizations per week (all ages)” since the pandemic began. This doesn’t include all cases. This reports only the cases that were so severe that hospitalization was required. Over a million of those people died and we know that the pandemic remains dangerous because almost 500 of our fellows are dying from it every day.

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Given our obviously cyclical experience with Covid (reference: the chart above), what do you think will happen this January? What should we do about that?

Quotation Station

“Joe Biden’s “Soul of the Nation” address got at a cold and disquieting truth: the MAGA movement cannot be placated, reasoned with, or politically accommodated in any way. There is nothing its adherents want – and nothing anyone can give them – beyond chaos and political destruction.”

  • Tom Nichols, Staff Writer
  • The Atlantic Daily, September 6, 2022

“They promote authoritarian leaders, and they fan the flames of political violence that are a threat to our personal rights, to the pursuit of justice, to the rule of law, to the very soul of this country  .  .  .  MAGA Republicans have made their choice. They embrace anger. They thrive on chaos. They live not in the light of truth but in the shadow of lies.”

  • President Joe Biden,
  • Independence Hall, September 1, 2022
What should we do about that?
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Also see David Frum’s short read, The Justification of Biden’s Speech – So Much of It Was True. 

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Our governance and electoral corruption and dysfunction and our ongoing mass murders are all of a piece, all the same problem with the same solution:
.
Fire the bastards!
.
The days are dwindling for us to take action. Get up! Do something to make things better.

Did someone forward this post to you? Welcome! Please subscribe – use the simple form above on the right. And pass this along to three others, encouraging them to subscribe, too. (IT’S A FREEBIE!)

And add your comments below to help us all to be better informed.

Thanks!

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings, so don’t bug me about it.
  2. There are lots of smart, well-informed people. Sometimes we agree; sometimes we don’t. Search for others’ views and decide for yourself.
  3. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine. Glad to have your corrections.
  4. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine.
  5. Book links to Amazon are provided for reference only. Please purchase your books through your local mom & pop bookstore. Keep them and your town vibrant.

JA


Copyright 2024 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

Hartmann Agrees


I think that it isn’t the system that needs reform. It’s the people who are undermining the system who need reform – or replacement. Click for the story – see Item #3.

Not long ago I posted a love note to Millennials and Gen-Zs. It was something of an apology for what we  Boomers have done that threatens them and for the huge pile of political poo we’re piling at their feet. It isn’t pretty and it won’t be easy. But it’s critical that they grab hold of this mess, shackle it in irons and imprison it for the life of this planet.

I laid out some of the key challenges and let our Ms and Zs know that we believe in them, that they can do this. They can restore what has been stolen, they can take the critically important steps to save our planet and themselves and they have the power to replace our national dishonesty, denial and mindless rage with truth and reality.

It turns out that Thom Hartmann agrees with me and he’s laid out far more clearly the reasons that Ms and Zs are so screwed – his word. I encourage everyone to read his message and see it as a laying out of the challenges that must be met.

These challenges should not be partisan or political, but the sad truth is that they are. There is only one party that tolerates and promotes hatred. There is only one party that fights against the advancement of gun safety.* There is only one party that rejoices in taking away our rights. There is only one party that consistently takes from the poor and middle class and gives to the super rich. There is only one party taking away your vote and working to destroy our democracy and replace it with a fascist autocracy.

There is more bad stuff that they do, of course, but the point is that the Republican Party, the one that used to be conservative, standing up for the values you believe in, no longer exists. They stand solely for enhancing their own power and wealth at our expense.

Read Hartmann’s piece and you’ll understand.

While you’re at it, read The Democrats Need to Wake Up and Stop Pandering to Their Extremes, a forehead slapper from The Economist. You’ll understand that one, too.

See? It just doesn’t take that many words. This took 30 seconds to think of and about 15 minutes to construct.

BTW

I’ve pummeled Democrats repeatedly for their astonishingly poor communication skills. They’re nearly always way too wordy, taking what would be said by Republicans in under two dozen words and instead expanding them into unintelligible paragraphs that not even the author can remember and which put readers to sleep.

President Biden’s July 9 essay in the Washington Post explaining/defending his trip to Saudi Arabia was just such a communication disaster. It demonstrates that in 1,387 words. Yes, over 2 pages of dense text!

What are the communications people in the White House thinking?

I did muscle through it on my second attempt. It is boring. It is W-A-A-A-A-A-Y too long. And it feels like an old prize fighter recounting a win from years ago.

“Joe, I want  to hear about how what you’re doing today will help me tomorrow. And I want to hear about it in a maximum of 60 seconds.”

I think Biden is doing a really good job of doing his job. But he and the Ds are so dreadfully, painfully, self-destructively lousy at communication that even Democrats can’t see the good stuff that’s happening right in front of them. Look at this from the New York Times:

Sixty-four percent of Democratic voters prefer a candidate other than President Biden in 2024, a Times/Siena College poll shows.
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That’s happening as we are in an existential battle to save democracy from the Rs who would crush it. If we’re to win that battle and succeed in saving our nation, voters will have to feel good about voting for Democrats.

Crappy communication won’t help.

NOTE: I reached out to the DNC with an offer to help. So far no reply.

Covid Corner – post-video late addition

In an interview with Politico and discussing his retirement, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the lightning rod and target of extremist right wing paranoia, said, “If somebody says, ‘You’ll leave when we don’t have Covid anymore,’ then I will be 105. I think we’re going to be living with this.”

A STAT report commenting on Fauci’s interview response reported, “That statement is a concession that we never flattened the curve of cases and we’re instead living with the virus and its variants.”

I’m left gobsmacked by the profound impact 22% of the U.S. population has had by refusing to be vaccinated and by having temper tantrums over masks. “Living with the virus and its variants” is the price we all pay when the fierce independents and the power and money opportunists hold sway over the common good. Read the charts.

Just a couple of weeks ago we were losing 327 Americans per day to Covid. Now it’s up to 417 per day. And 98 – 99% of those who die are unvaccinated. Have a fiercely independent day, Bubba – while you still can.

* “And I believe it is insane that Republicans in the U.S. Senate — who accept the Second Amendment as a death warrant for tens of thousands of Americans each year — will not even agree to legislation raising the minimum age to purchase such weapons of war [AR-15 style assault weapons] to 21.”

“Shame on this country for refusing to take those guns out of the shooters’ hands — or to prevent them from buying those guns in the first place.”

Eugene Robinson, Washington Post, July 19, 2022

————————————

Our governance and electoral corruption and dysfunction and our ongoing mass murders are all of a piece, all the same problem with the same solution:
Fire the bastards!
.
The days are dwindling for us to take action. Get up! Do something to make things better.
.

Did someone forward this post to you? Welcome! Please subscribe – use the simple form above on the right. And pass this along to three others, encouraging them to subscribe, too. (IT’S A FREEBIE!)

And add your comments below to help us all to be better informed.

Thanks!

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings, so don’t bug me about it.
  2. There are lots of smart, well-informed people. Sometimes we agree; sometimes we don’t. Search for others’ views and decide for yourself.
  3. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine. Glad to have your corrections.
  4. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine.
  5. Book links to Amazon are provided for reference only. Please purchase your books through your local mom & pop bookstore. Keep them and your town vibrant.

JA


Copyright 2024 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

A Love Letter . . .


.  .  .  To Our Vaccine Refusers

The rest of the world is hoping for, scrambling for, begging for vaccines, while in the good ol’ US of A we’re bribing people to get vaccinated and still they’re refusing.

Question: Why is it possible for me to write that sentence and know it’s accurate?

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Okay, anti-vaxxers, we know you have your reasons – ten are listed in red below. Be sure to let me know if I’ve missed any biggies.

1. The vaccines aren’t fully vetted. I’ll wait until they are so I know they’re safe.

The FDA has done everything but the last bit of paper review. Besides, 67% of all eligible Americans have taken at least one dose, and 58% are fully vaccinated. There have been no deaths from vaccines, next to no deaths from Covid among the vaccinated and almost no hospitalizations among them, either.

Right now 99.5% of Covid deaths are of un-vaccinated people. That means the vaccines are working. Efficacy and safety, baby. You want proof? You got it. Go get vaccinated.

2. The government damn well can’t tell me what to do. This is a free country and I’m free. Plus, I like that my refusing the vaccine pisses off the libs.

Got it, cowboy. But this isn’t all about you. You want to get sick and die, go ahead. But the thing is that once you’re infected you won’t have any symptoms at first and you’ll still be hanging out with your family, your BFF, your co-workers and whoever is sitting next to you at the movies or the ball game and you’ll be infecting every one of them. Get past yourself and do something for others. Get vaccinated so that you don’t spread the disease and kill people.

Plus, the government of We The People can tell you what to do. We tell you to stop at stop signs. We tell you that you can’t murder people or steal their stuff. We tell you that your kids have to be immunized against measles before they can enter public school and there is a lot more do/don’t stuff. There are good reasons for all of those things. So, we really can tell you and all of us what to do and we have to do it. Get over your obstinance. You’ll still be free. And vaccinated.

I can’t do anything to help you about your mania to “piss off the libs.” You might want to try an anger management program.

3. I’m young and unlikely to get sick. Besides, even if I do catch Covid the case will be mild.

Okay, young ‘un. Re-read the first paragraph of #2 above – the one to the cowboys. Then give a thought to your grandmother who, being old, is far more likely to die if she gets Covid from you. So is your obese Uncle Fred and your little sister who has diabetes. This Covid thing isn’t just about you.

So, same deal: Get past yourself and do something for others. Get vaccinated so that you don’t spread the disease and kill the people you love. Get vaccinated because your case of Covid might not be mild. It might kill you.

4. Covid is a hoax. Everybody knows it, so there’s no point in me getting vaccinated.

This is too stupid for me to waste time on, so just go to the ER of your local hospital and ask a few questions. Maybe they’ll shove a ventilator tube down your throat so you can experience what their dying Covid patients endure. You could even ask one of those patients about that, but they won’t be able to answer. You know why.

5. Fauci lied and so did the CDC. We can’t trust anything they say.

Fauci changed his narrative and his recommendations as new information was available and clear. What do you do when you get better information?

The CDC was under enormous pressure to downplay the disease, this from the prior occupant of the White House. They could have and should have pushed back harder against hydroxychloroquine, injecting Lysol, Clorox and UV lights, mask refusal and the rest. Gotta give you partial credit for that one.

Regardless, what we know now is that vaccines save lives, like yours, and that getting infected without having been vaccinated is extremely hazardous to your ability to continue to breathe.

Are you seeing the pattern? 80% of new cases and 99.5% of the deaths now are due to the Delta variant. It’s way more contagious than anything we’ve seen so far. And the vaccines are very effective at preventing Delta infection.

6. Bill Gates has infused the vaccines with nanobots that will enable our tyrannical government to monitor and control me. I’ll never be free again.

Nice detective work, Sherlock, but there’s a flaw in your investigation.

Said Sherlock Holmes, “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” For you what remains is this: There are no nanobots in vaccines. READ THIS AND WATCH THE VIDEOS. You’ll see that people you trusted lied to you over and over.

Even if Gates or the government wanted to implant nanobots in you, they couldn’t get them through the vaccination needle. You can doubt that, but it does not change the accuracy of the statement. It’s a measurement thing. End of mystery. Go get vaccinated.

If it makes you feel better, drink a toast to Bill Gates and flip him off at the same time, but get vaccinated. In contrast, if you want to be chipped like your dog, see your vet.

7. It’s a Democrat conspiracy to enslave us. They’re already running child sex rings and drinking children’s blood. No way I trust them.

This is way above my pay grade. Seek professional help immediately.

8. Donald Trump said it isn’t manly to wear a mask, so it isn’t manly to get a vaccine, either. Besides, Trump never got vaccinated.

All the Trumps got vaccinated quietly in the White House after he recovered from nearly dying from the disease. And he would have died had he not been administered expensive, heroic medical treatment that probably isn’t available to you unless you’re the president – and you’re not! So if you get Covid, especially the Delta Variant that accounts for nearly all new cases, you’re going to die from it.

As for Trump having said that wearing a mask isn’t manly, true enough. He did say that. But a ventilator hose down your throat as you wear a hospital gown with your ass hanging out isn’t real manly, either. Get vaccinated so that you can continue to be manly.

9. I’m Black, Brown or Hispanic and I know about the Tuskegee syphilis betrayals and others, the con jobs that ruined lives and ended them terribly. I don’t trust the government or the medical blabbers.

Got it. Or at least I get it as much as anyone not on the screwee list might. Let’s fairly say that I appreciate and care.

AND let’s consider that this time might be different. After all, people of all races, religions, ancestry and all the rest of the ways we foolishly divide ourselves are getting vaccinated and suffering no ill effects. And they aren’t getting sick and dying, nor are they infecting the people they love. This is the perfect time to take a chance: go get vaccinated. Live. Breathe. Love.

10. I’m a patriot and I don’t do sissy crap that blue state elites blab on and on about.

Okay, you want to play the red, white and blue card? You better be ready for this:

The most patriotic thing you can do, by far, is to sacrifice a little of your defiance in order to protect your fellow citizens.

Protect yourself so that nurses, doctors, techs and the brave people who clean up whatever mess you’ll leave in your hospital bed, instead won’t have to encounter you.

Do it for the selfless EMTs so that they won’t have to haul your miserable, sorry ass to the hospital. Act as though their lives matter every bit as much as your own. They’re heroes defying death every day for others while you’re out infecting people. Grab your fierce independence and get fiercely, independently vaccinated for them. Do it for your country. Be a patriot.

Aw, hell, I’m sick of trying to talk sense into you. If you want to get infected and die, knock yourself out. Hack, wheeze, gasp and croak.

But until you do, just keep the hell away from the rest of us who don’t want to die because of your defiant attitude, like those few still alive in Springfield, MO. And stop waving all your chest thumper flags – they won’t protect you from the Delta variant. Better yet, take your flags off your vehicle and give it to me. I’m due for new wheels and you won’t be needing yours anymore.

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Said John Maynard Keynes, “When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir?” So, add your comments below to help us all to be better informed.

Thanks!

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings, so don’t bug me about it.
  2. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine. Glad to have your corrections.
  3. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine.

JA


Copyright 2024 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

Covid-19 Safety – In Pictures


Reading time – 1:17  .  .  .

This is for all 250,000 bikers returning from the Harley Davidson festival in Sturgis, SD. And for the people who just have to attend a Covid-19 party in a bar. And those who want to walk the school hallways the way they used to. And the people who feel put upon by public officials. And the science deniers. And the frustrated, self-focused people in stores which require they wear a mask, so they have a temper tantrum and trash others’ property. And for the other deniers, rebels and over-proud Americans with a chip on their shoulder. And the Trump suck-up governors who not only won’t mandate mask wearing, but prohibit city mayors from doing so. Who am I missing?

                 Better <<<<<<<           >>>>>>>Worser

                                          Mask Type

The safest masks are on the left; the chancier ones are on the right. Here’s the science for these charts. Read it and wear.

To make this mask business easier to understand, please refer to the graphic below. Then print this post twice, cut out the graphic and tape one copy to your refrigerator and the other to your front door.

“If everybody [wears a mask], we’re each protecting each other,” says Dr. Anthony Fauci, the United States’ leading infectious disease expert.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CAUTION: Snark lurks below.

 

Thanks to JHA for the colors and shapes snark.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We all want the economy to come back, but that simply and absolutely cannot happen until we defeat this pandemic and feel safe enough to go back to work, go back to school, go shopping and go traveling. So, focusing on the economy or any of the other critical issues that we face is of secondary importance because we can’t tackle them successfully when we’re medically hobbled. If we’re to beat this pandemic we must follow the

Simple, Clear and Non-negotiable Marching Orders
  1. Wear a mask.
  2. Socially distance.
  3. Wash your hands often.
  4. Put your damn mask on.

Pretending these rules aren’t mandatory is a trip to fantasy land, where all your worst nightmares come true. If someone you’ve been exposed to comes down with Covid-19, trust me when I tell you that your world will be turned upside down in ways you cannot now contemplate. I know this because we just lived it. So, unless you want to spend the rest of your life in your awful nightmares, follow the

Simple, Clear and Non-negotiable Marching Orders
  1. Wear a mask
  2. Socially distance
  3. Wash your hands
  4. Put your damn mask on.

Click me

Nobody wants your cooties and you don’t want theirs.

Many thanks to Rick Rochelle of All American Leadership for the graphics.

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Ed. note: We need to spread the word so that we make a critical difference, so

  1. Pass this along to three people, encouraging them to subscribe (IT’S A FREEBIE!).
  2. Engage in the Comments section below to help us all to be better informed.

Thanks!

The Fine Print:

  1. Writings quoted or linked from my posts reflect a point I want to make, at least in part. That does not mean that I endorse or agree with everything in such writings, so don’t bug me about it.
  2. Sometimes I change my opinions because I’ve learned more about an issue. So, educate me. That’s what the Comments section is for.
  3. Errors in fact, grammar, spelling and punctuation are all embarrassingly mine. Glad to have your corrections.
  4. Responsibility for the content of these posts is unequivocally, totally, unavoidably mine.

JA


Copyright 2024 by Jack Altschuler
Reproduction and sharing are encouraged, providing proper attribution is given.

Future News! Vol. 4 Number 2


Reading time – 7:49  .  .  .

Today we have a fresh edition of Future News!, but first this breaking news.

On July 30 Donald Trump tweeted:

Ignore the lies in this tweet and focus on the words in the magenta oval.

I warned about Trump’s Wag-the-Dog in last Sunday’s post and updated the warning on Wednesday with an Emergency Addendum. We are seeing the invasion of our cities and brutalizing of our citizens by federal shock troops in Washington DC, Portland, OR, Seattle, WA, Kansas City, MO, Cleveland, OH, Milwaukee, WI and Detroit, MI. And now Trump is yet again suggesting “delaying” the election. While he cannot legally do that, just the tweet is threatening to democracy.

It’s all happening in plain sight. We are teetering on a knife edge of danger. This is no time to be a spectator. Indeed, democracy is never a spectator sport and protecting it so that we keep it demands that we get involved.

From Lisa Lerer of the New York Times:

“If you’re worried about the integrity of the election, spend some time figuring out how you can vote safely in November. And then make sure your neighbors can do the same.”

From me:

You don’t have to twist arms or have awkward conversations. Just get out and help with voter registration – do a piece of the work of democracy.

Click here for a fabulous list of actions you can take.

Go to www.PostCardsToASwingStates.com and send postcards to voters in swing states to encourage them to register to vote. (Thanks AT for pointing this out.)

Email [email protected] to help register Milwaukee voters.

You get the idea. Get active. November is too late. Do it now.

And while you’re motivated, contact your legislators and tell them to get off their butts and take action to get the storm troopers out of our cities. I haven’t heard a peep out of Congress about Trump’s blatant moves toward martial law and we need vocal opposition from those who can mandate restraint on Trump’s authoritarian actions.

To paraphrase John Lewis, this is the time to get into good trouble. Necessary trouble. Every one of us.

You owe it to yourself to read Lt. Col. (Ret.) Alexander Vindman’s essay about doing what is right.

Now on to tomorrow’s breaking news.

Future News!

“All the news that’s fit to predict”
 
Washington DC, 4 November 2020

With so many states having enacted legislation requiring proportional voting by its electors in order to more closely represent the will of the people, along with the 49 state popular vote defeat for the president yesterday, the Electoral College is reeling from the smack down. Having just exited the secret passageway from its double secret room in the sub-basement of the Capitol Building, Dragon “Bubba” Duke, the provost of the College appointed by President Trump, said, “Who would have thought the American people could get their way? This really hurts our feelings.”

The obvious disdain citizens have for the Electoral College came hard on the heels of the 2016 election, when, feeling its oats, the Electoral College disenfranchised 51% of the electorate. When College officials were telephoned this morning for further comment on what just happened, all that could be heard were the sounds of sniffling and noises very much like those in a bar.

Washington DC, 20 January 2021, 12:15PM

As soon as the inauguration ceremonies were complete, former President Trump was handcuffed and forcibly removed from the Oval Office by Secret Service agents and whisked to Joint Base Andrews in an unmarked car with blacked-out windows. There was no motorcade. He boarded the presidential Boeing 747, the customary call sign of which is Air Force One. Since he was no longer the president, the call sign for this flight was Getaway Car.

The former president was flown directly to Disgustistan, a small country southeast of Moscow along the Volga River, where he announced that he intends to build a casino and tower. The former president is said to have changed his permanent residence to that country and has transferred his assets to Swiss banks. The United States does not have an extradition treaty with Disgustistan.

Washington DC, 20 January 2021, 4:00PM

In a solemn ceremony in the Oval Office, where all department secretaries from the Trump administration were present except former Attorney General William Barr, resignations were submitted to President Biden. Former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo spoke for the group, pledging their ongoing support to President Biden’s administration, asking only that they not be prosecuted for their wrongdoings.

President Biden accepted their resignations gladly, replying, “Fat chance!” and said that his new Attorney General, “will be contacting you very soon.” As they departed he  turned to his chief of staff, saying, “This is going to be a BFD.”

Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, 21 January 2021, 5:12PM local time

The Qatari news organization Al Jazeera reported today that former President Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner has requested asylum in Saudi Arabia. When asked for comment about the request by the now-former Senior Advisor to the President, Prince Mohammed Bin Salman, with whom Kushner has seemed to have had a good relationship for several years, replied, “Who?”

Washington DC, 27 January 2021, 8:10AM

Former Attorney General William Barr arrived at the Oval Office, having submitted his resignation with those of the other department secretaries a week earlier. He told President Biden that he had left the Department of Justice in perfect autocratic order, ready for presidential edicts and the new president’s absolute power. Barr said that he understood that many had opposed his actions, but that he hoped the new president would both enjoy the greatly expanded presidential power Barr had manipulated into place and, in gratitude, offer Barr an absolute pardon for any and all crimes he committed or may have committed since time began.

President Biden heard him out, replying, “Are you f#!king kidding me?!” He then recommended that Barr get a really good lawyer and had members of his Secret Service team escort Barr by the elbows out to the sidewalk beyond the White House fence. Barr seemed perplexed by Biden’s apparent lack of gratitude, as he leaned against the fence for support.

A nearby reporter asked Barr how his meeting with President Biden had gone and he replied, “That’s something that is in process and I don’t comment about ongoing issues. What I can say is that the terrible situation we find ourselves in can be traced directly to malfeasance by President Obama and his ineffectual administration.” Barr refused to elaborate further and walked away in a huff, kicking a homeless man who was sitting on the sidewalk.

Miami, FL, 16 June 2021

In a surprise announcement, Donald Trump, Jr. stepped before the microphones and a phalanx of reporters at the Doral Country Club in Miami and announced that all Trump golf course properties worldwide have declared bankruptcy.

He spoke from prepared remarks, saying that once his father was out of office that interest in membership at their clubs, “.  .  .  dropped off the edge of the Earth.” Trump, Jr. said he was extremely suspicious that people were terminating their memberships, “.  .  .  almost like it was being coordinated.”

Further, he reported that 85% of the rental properties in Trump Tower-New York were for sale, owners were unable to find buyers and prices for the luxury condos were plummeting. Because of the timing of these situations, Trump, Jr. claimed that company lawyers were looking into filing lawsuits.

When asked who they might sue, the younger Trump angrily replied, “They know who they are and they know that we know who they are and they know we won’t take this lying down, because they know that we know what they know and we know it – nobody has ever known it as well as we do. We’ll sue them back to their s#*t-hole countries or wherever they’re from.”

Trump Jr. attempted to end the session, but was clearly agitated, stating, “Look at what they’re doing to me! We’ll get the people who’ve done this to us. We’ll bring them fire and fury. They’ve never seen fire and fury like we’ll bring. It will be fire and fury for them. Nobody’s seen fire and fury like this. Fire and fury.”

His sister, Ivanka Trump, immediately came to stand by him and put an arm around his shoulders, saying, “There, there. Don’t cry or Daddy will be angry with you and he’ll cut you off. We’ll just do what Daddy would do and pretend it isn’t happening.”

“You’re right!” said Trump, Jr. Turning back to reporters he said, “All of our clubs are having record years, record years! – so great that no one in the world has ever before had such spectacular success. We’re geniuses – very stable business geniuses.” Here he seemed to become remote, his eyes glassy and far away.

“It’s like you’ve never seen before  .  .  .  best courses  .  .  .  fantastic clubhouses  .  .  .  already planning for Trump World Expo, coming soon  .  .  .  it’ll be like nothing you’ve ever seen, we  .  .  ” His voice at last trailed off as he was escorted back to his room by his father’s hand-picked handlers. Ivanka followed, clutching her Chinese made purse and a can of Goya beans.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Atlanta, GA, 1 July 2021, 9:00AM

Dr. Anthony Fauci held a press conference at the CDC headquarters to update the public about the ongoing battle against the worldwide pandemic, COVID-19.

Fauci said, “Since management of the national effort to fight the disease was turned over to the CDC in January we’ve made significant progress in reducing both infections and deaths. While there still is no safe and effective vaccine available and likely there will not be one for months or even years to come, wearing masks, social distancing and the washing of hands continue to be our most powerful weapons against this disease. If we fail to practice these simple safeguards, our country’s death toll will rise dramatically from its current level of 362,000.”

Fauci made it clear that the CDC, “.  .  .  will continue to order local or regional business shut downs as necessary to keep Americans safe and hasten full reopening of our economy.”

In making his closing remarks he said, “I only wish we could have started this a year sooner. We could have saved over a quarter of a million lives.”

Viper, Disgustistan, 30 September 2021, 11:10AM local time

Premier Volgonazi Torchenmarch of Disgustistan took to the airwaves early this morning to respond to the tweet storm unleashed over the past four days by former President Trump. He said that it’s clear that the former president has a fine command of the social media platform, especially the use of the caps lock, as well as a skillful expression of white supremacy. He said, “Now that former President Trump is in all-Caucasian Disgustistan, he is with his peeps.”

“However,” said Torchenmarch, “his casino, the construction of which is nearly complete, will operate solely to my benefit. Further, I cannot guarantee that former President Trump will be paid for all of his construction work, this in accordance with Trump’s modeling of this practice in the U.S. My entire family thanks him specifically for this leadership.”

In an apparent aside from his prepared remarks, Premier Torchenmarch wondered aloud how President Trump would like being stiffed, adding, “So, sue me. I’ll sue you all the way back to where you will be criminally prosecuted.”

Former President Trump could not be reached for comment, but was said to be in contact via Zoom with his former lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, who is presently serving an 8 year sentence in Danbury Minimum Security Prison. Note that Giuliani is unable to provide legal advice to Trump, having been disbarred immediately upon his convictions for attempted extortion, racketeering and lying to federal agents.

The former president’s former lawyer, often called his “fixer”, Michael Cohen, was told of the way his former boss was being treated in Disgustistan. His only comment to the press was, “It’s about damned time.”

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